Silent Summer 2012

The Summer of 2012 has been anything but silent even though my blog has been. I apologize for that.  There are times when you just can't put into words what you think or feel or what is going on.  That feeling started for me in May when John went to Afghanistan for a pre-deployment site survey or PDSS and got worse when in June, John went to JRTC. Once again another pre-deployment training cycle lurked into our lives on the heals of him returning from Iraq a few short months before. In some ways I felt like my Iraq "I'm a strong Army Wife" wall never came down and I struggled to enjoy life while he was home, knowing he was leaving again.  It's hard for me to pretend and it's hard for me not to be honest and rather than be a downer, I chose not to blog in the melancholy tone I know I would have had.  Sometimes sharing what's deep inside your heart is scary and my fear of sharing my fears and doubts overwhelmed me.  So.....my silent blog summer was the outcome.  In some ways I regret that.  

  

I don't love when fear saps my energy.  I'm grateful to God that he gave me the strength and energy to be the best Mom and Wife I could be this summer even while fear was trying to take it's grip on my heart.  And that is the blessing of this blog - God carried me this summer when I was finding it hard to carry myself.  He graciously put one foot in front of the other and set my hands and mind in motion so that my family would be blessed.  We enjoyed an amazing trip to Disneyland with The Moris's to celebrate Mom and Dad Moris's 40th Wedding Anniversary.  We were family, grandkids, kids, cousins and princesses and we had a blast! We made it to Sea World (courtesy of Anheiser Bush and free tickets) and had dinner with Shamu! My girls and I took on the adventure of a life time, driving from El Paso to New Jersey to spend 30 whole days with family!  What a gift to watch my girls having real time with my Unrath Family, My Dad, Robyn, Jim & Lauren, Russ & Jessica, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, friends like The Yoho's, The Faasse's, The Sugg's, The Farrell's and The McGrath's who welcomed us as if we had always been there.  We saw The Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, The Turtle Back Zoo, Field Station Dinosaurs and spent hours playing in Pop Pop's pool.  We had the gift of worshiping in the same church I grew up in, allowing so many who invested in my life as a child to see God's work in my life and my sweet babies. We saw precious lifelong friends here there and everywhere as we traversed across the country. During the ride home, I was overwhelmed thinking how blessed our family has been and continues to be.   

Fear continues to try to grip my heart....but the Holy Spirit keeps saying, "You can do it".  As I said to a friend the other day, my red super mom cape is ready and the wine is chilled :-).  I want to share what has been blessing my heart over and over again this past week - allowing my heart to feel peace and surrender.  It would be easy in my prayers to ask for this deployment to NOT happen, to be delivered from the pain of separation.....but Christ did not ask for deliverance from the cross.  He did not ask for help while being tempted in the desert.  And the Bible tells us in Phil 1:21, ..."to LIVE is Christ" and we choose to LIVE! Fear will not have it's grip on us and we will work on living our Victory in Jesus in the next months to come.  Living may not be easy, but we know that God is sovereign.  He knows us. He loves us.  He calls us by name. Not a hair can fall from our heads without the will of our Father in Heaven.  Jer 29:11 says it best, "I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord." Or as the hymn says, "My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus's blood and righteousness." But what has truly touched me lately is a Bible verse I memorized a very long time ago: 2 Tim 1:12.  A hymn was written from that verse which describes the way I feel about this deployment and about our lives ...about my heart right now.  I love this very old and dear hymn because it reminds me that God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and that our lives are in his sovereign hands.  I just have to trust in him and he'll make the rough places plain.  Psalm 97:1 The Lord Reigns! Let the earth be glad! Let the distant shores rejoice...even when as distant as Afghanistan. 

1. I know not why God’s wondrous grace
   To me He hath made known,
   Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
   Redeemed me for His own.
2. I know not how this saving faith
   To me He did impart,
   Nor how believing in His Word
   Wrought peace within my heart.
3. I know not how the Spirit moves,
   Convincing men of sin,
   Revealing Jesus through the Word,
   Creating faith in Him.
4. I know not what of good or ill
   May be reserved for me,
   Of weary ways or golden days,
   Before His face I see.
5. I know not when my Lord may come,
   At night or noonday fair,
   Nor if I walk the vale with Him,
   Or meet Him in the air.
   
   
   
   

   Refrain:

   But “I know Whom I have believed,

   And am persuaded that He is able

   To keep that which I’ve committed

   Unto Him against that day.”

Love to all - enjoy the family pics and pray for us as you are lead.  Heather & Co.

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